By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
MIDGETS
????
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
