nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
