hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
COCAINE IS GR8
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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