Kareoke will never be a sober sport
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
