i just google imaged poop.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
