You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
