If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
