i don't like sucking hair
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
