if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
