He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
