I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
