Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
