We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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