Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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