On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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