how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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