You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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