His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
