after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
