She is in my trunk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
