I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
