just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
