You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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