Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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