im drinking this country out of the recession.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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