I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
