I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
