So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
