haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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