Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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