well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
