And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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