you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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