I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
