It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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