So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
