so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
