WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I will die if light touches me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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