summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
