3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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