Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
