Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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