we have officially lost it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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