So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
