we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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