Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
