you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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