You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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