theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
