I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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