I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The adults are the big ones right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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